Social Gaffe

На курсах английского мы обсуждали отличия между различными культурами, которые могут поставить путешественника в неудобное положение. Например, одни и те же жесты означают в разных странах совершенно разные вещи. Учительница дала нам большой список всяческих традиций, и надо было угадать, какие действительно существует в стране, а какие нет. Среди них было: "В России нельзя свистеть в помещении, иначе денег не будет". Никто не верил, что это правда. Зато где-то (в Новой Зеландии?) положено всем гостям давать ключ от дома - неожиданно это оказалась правда.

Учительница попросила нас написать истории по social gaffe - какой-то случай, когда мы попали в неловкое положение из-за плохого знания языка или традиций. Вот что она рассказала про себя: "Я была девочкой. Родственники пригласили нас на вечеринку по случаю рождения ребенка. Я купила им красивую открытку с цветочками и какой-то надписи на латыни. Оказалось, надпись гласила "покойся с миром" или что-то в таком роде!"

Я не смог вспомнить какую-нибудь интересную историю про себя в таком же духе. Марина посоветовала мне вместо этого рассказать про то, как я терпел домогательства голубого автомеханика. Эту историю я уже рассказывал раньше, просто сегодня размещаю в блоге английский вариант:

It happened in Atlanta, USA. I bought a used car and after couple of months noticed some squeaks and clicks from the front wheel. The noise was quiet, but I suspected that my CV axles needed to be replaced. If this is the case, there is a risk if losing a wheel on a motorway.

I went to Pep Boys (US-wide full-service automotive aftermarket chain). They gave me an estimate of $500. Well, they said, I couldn't replace just one CV axle, as both of them should be replaced; brakes need to be serviced and so on.

At that point my wife was a student and I didn't earn much. We had credit card debts, and, as you can imagine, I was upset. But the manager, an athletic Hispanic guy, gave me a wink and said: ‘OK, for you I’ll make $100 discount. My name is Hernandez, by the way’. That was better, but I wasn’t sure, if he was serious or not. Also it was still quite expensive. ‘Let me think for about it a couple of days’, I said.

Finally, I decided to come back. The manager was really, really happy to see me: ‘Hi, Mr Valentin from Rose Street (they had my address and telephone on a database)! How are you? Did you enjoy your vacation? Did we agree to have the work done for $400? Right, call it $350.’

I felt that there was a catch. Why was he so friendly? Maybe he was just friendly to all the customers? No, I didn’t notice that. He is a gay! Anyway, I signed the papers and gave him the key. The manager ‘accidentally’ touched my hand.

‘OK, that's not a big deal’, I thought. ‘I got a discount, and I am not obliged to go out with Hernandez. Ha-ha, I just hope, he won’t deliberately break the car to hold me here’.

In couple of hours the car was ready. Hernandez winked again and said: ‘What do we see in the bill, $350? No, this is a mistake, it should be $300. Actually, sir, you had to wait longer that I promised, and we have to give a discount. The final amount is $280’.

I paid, he gave me the key (again, he touched my hand). Obviously, Hernandez expected me to be more grateful. But I just said: ‘Bye-bye’ and rushed to the car. And then my worst nightmare happened: the front wheels were not just clicking, they were rumbling, as if my car was going to fall apart! I had to come back to sleazy Hernandez. He said that unfortunately one CV axle was defective, and they would have to keep the car overnight.

Hernandez offered to drive me home. I agreed because I missed the last bus. On the way home he was talking about nice blue colour of his car and (of course!) he was touching my leg. ‘Can I go upstairs with you?’ I pretended that my English was too bad to understand the question. ‘Do you need a ride to work tomorrow?’

With great relief I said: ‘No, I don’t. Thank you, but my good friend will collect me tomorrow. Good night.’ Luckily, Pep Boys entered my telephone and address incorrectly, so he wouldn’t be able to stalk me!

Next day I told this story to my colleagues. My Chinese and Indian friends burst into laughter, but the American guy was quiet and slightly nervous. I guess he didn’t consider the story to be politically correct.

Учительница посмеялась и заметила: "может, американец не смеялся не из-за политкорректности, а потому, что он и сам голубой?"